It is official. George W. Bush has finally gone Green

After finally getting around to the report on his desk, revealing the inconvenient truth that plastic may take thousands of years to decompose, Bush did what he does best: pledged money to a cause.

The cause was Africa. George also learned that Africa was suffering from a terrible outbreak of something called AIDS, a sexually transmitted disease. George is no dummy, he knew that the best method of preventing AIDS was through the use of condoms. That disturbing fact, coupled with an estimate of 25 million people living with AIDS or HIV in Africa, spawned a series of nightmares for Mr. Bush. Nightmares, he claims, where Africa is submerged in a landfill of used condoms for thousands of years.

“We must do something,” boasted a brave George W. Bush during his latest press conference¹, “Our landfills are filling up, our resources are being drained, and the African people may lose their country to a torrent of used condoms!”

The President was eager to reveal a bold new solution: Foreskin. “Instead of using plastic condoms, a commodity not broken down over thousands of years and restrictive of the penis’ freedom, we will free the penis from totalitarianism! We will sever the skin of every African penis so that it may have same freedoms that we American’s enjoy.”

Human flesh is, after all, biodegradable.

The President was like a polished Greenpeace soldier; shooting out scientific research and moral duty in singular sentences. He silenced his critics with relevant fart jokes and brilliant metaphor. The speech may very well come to be known as the monument of the birth… the birth of American Environmentalism.²

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1. Source misplaced while reading bible. Sorry. [↩]
2. Please note, some quotes may be slightly embellished. [↩]