Justice is a tricky thing. How gauge it? How to enforce it? Luckily in Canada we have a pretty solid system that insures our safety and protects our property. To see the beauty of our system in action, let’s examine a recent case involving unregistered gambling in a bar.

 

What’s baffling about this case is the fact that people actually did this illegally, even considering ease of attaining a gambling license. But aside from that, what’s the damage? How have we been robbed? Approx. $1 million/year in tax-free earnings, from February 2006 – October 2008. So $500,000/year in taxes missing. Translation: $0.017/Canadian/year, over 2.5 years = $0.042. Ding. May we request the Guillotine?

 

To gauge justice, and predict how these criminals should be dealt with, let’s compare their crime with others, in order to calculate a way to judge them:

 

Liberal Sponsorship Scandal - $100,000,000, - May 2002 – May 2004. Translation: $3.33/Canadian/year, over 2 years = 12 Donuts/Canadian (Minus a Donut for GST – Something needs to pay for our police). Ding Ding.

 

Responsibility for government finances should weigh most heavily on Government Finance Minister during the scandal, Paul Martin. So what happened to him? He stepped down as party leader to travel, make money, and visit wrongfully jailed Canadians on trips to Mexico. How a person that should be in prison empathizes with this woman, is beyond me. But that’s another issue, in the interest of justice, we should send our gamblers on an all-expense paid trip to Cuba.

 

How much does it cost enforcing the tax evading gamblers? Is it even economically sound? Another $64 million/year (Ding) gets taken from you to stop people from getting themselves high¹. Then you pay to keep them in prison, living, free of charge. Ding Ding Ding. Couldn’t we just kill the bastards off?

 

But if you really want to get at the rotten, think of the Impromptu election cost over last few months: $300 Million. Merely to shuffle around a dozen seats and leave us in the same place with the same thieving leaches. Ding fucking Ding.

 

To be fair, you must understand that we are dealing with gamblers here; true criminals. People who sucker us with phony promises of instant happiness, give absurd amounts to a privileged few, and slowly, with mathematical precision, whittle down the savings of the vast majority. Does it get much worse? Maybe putting a gun to your head, telling you to bet.

 

But the true, repugnant audacity is not in the numbers; Not even in the uselessness of its function as hope and providence. The tragedy is the victims who are so psychologically hooked, so brainwashed, that they can’t even sense its hideousness. As emphasized by a post on the bar’s website:

Our little slice of heaven… The relationships and friendships I’ve made has made this whole journey worthwhile. I’d like to thank everyone who have and continue to support us.

No please, thank YOU.

1. Kora DeBecka, Evan Wooda, b, Julio Montanera, b and Thomas Kerr. Canada’s new federal ‘National Anti-Drug Strategy’: An informal audit of reported funding allocation.International Journal of Drug Policy. April 2008. [↩]

No comments