Justice is a tricky thing. How gauge it? How to enforce it? Luckily in Canada we have a pretty solid system that insures our safety and protects our property. To see the beauty of our system in action, let’s examine a recent case involving unregistered gambling in a bar.

What’s baffling about this case is the fact that people actually did this illegally, even considering ease of attaining a gambling license. But aside from that, what’s the damage? How have we been robbed? Approx. $1 million/year in tax-free earnings, from February 2006 – October 2008. So $500,000/year in taxes missing. Translation: $0.017/Canadian/year, over 2.5 years = $0.042. Ding. May we request the Guillotine?

To gauge justice, and predict how these criminals should be dealt with, let’s compare their crime with others, in order to calculate a way to judge them:

Liberal Sponsorship Scandal - $100,000,000, - May 2002 – May 2004. Translation: $3.33/Canadian/year, over 2 years = 12 Donuts/Canadian (Minus a Donut for GST – Something needs to pay for our police). Ding Ding.

Responsibility for government finances should weigh most heavily on Government Finance Minister during the scandal, Paul Martin. So what happened to him? He stepped down as party leader to travel, make money, and visit wrongfully jailed Canadians on trips to Mexico. How a person that should be in prison empathizes with this woman, is beyond me. But that’s another issue, in the interest of justice, we should send our gamblers on an all-expense paid trip to Cuba.

How much does it cost enforcing the tax evading gamblers? Is it even economically sound? Another $64 million/year (Ding) gets taken from you to stop people from getting themselves high¹. Then you pay to keep them in prison, living, free of charge. Ding Ding Ding. Couldn’t we just kill the bastards off?

But if you really want to get at the rotten, think of the Impromptu election cost over last few months: $300 Million. Merely to shuffle around a dozen seats and leave us in the same place with the same thieving leaches. Ding fucking Ding.

To be fair, you must understand that we are dealing with gamblers here; true criminals. People who sucker us with phony promises of instant happiness, give absurd amounts to a privileged few, and slowly, with mathematical precision, whittle down the savings of the vast majority. Does it get much worse? Maybe putting a gun to your head, telling you to bet.

But the true, repugnant audacity is not in the numbers; Not even in the uselessness of its function as hope and providence. The tragedy is the victims who are so psychologically hooked, so brainwashed, that they can’t even sense its hideousness. As emphasized by a post on the bar’s website:

Our little slice of heaven… The relationships and friendships I’ve made has made this whole journey worthwhile. I’d like to thank everyone who have and continue to support us.

No please, thank YOU.

1. Kora DeBecka, Evan Wooda, b, Julio Montanera, b and Thomas Kerr. Canada’s new federal ‘National Anti-Drug Strategy’: An informal audit of reported funding allocation.International Journal of Drug Policy. April 2008. [↩]

Olympic Protests¹

I know, I know. I was supposed to kill this thing off some time ago. But since the death of Mindinclined, my viewership has doubled and I am receiving sponsors. So what the hell, let’s keep babbling.

My topic today, a favorite among the do-gooders of our world, human rights. And, as usual, I am sick of it. How long have we been seeing these damn protests and commentaries about how awful China is? You could fill a library with how they abuse, imprison, and stalk their people. Nobody mentions how China has sustained 30 straight years of economic growth. Besides, all governments have ‘violoations’ to some extent, so why don’t you mind your own business?

Maybe I’m insensitive. Granted. But what is a ‘Human Right’ anyway? Something you’re born with? Acquire? Take by force? Really it’s patchwork of scribblings compiled over the years, by particular groups, agreed upon, and given power ONLY by acceptance of people. It is an artificial creation; an idea. We are trying to bully China into accepting our idea (brainwashing even?). I’m still waiting for the ‘Human Right’ to masterbate in public before I  buy into the idea myself.

Ok, let’s stop right here, lest you get confused. I am not suggesting that any of the so-called ‘Human Rights’ are bad ideas. I think most of them can be beneficial. But they are just that: ideas. Not God-given or even natural states that we somehow possess just because we live. What bullshit. We made these ideas and we give them power. Sound familiar?

Now all China has to say to respond to this onslaught, is that their system works. It has provided HUGE economic prosperity for 30 years and will continue to do so. It has provided the most basic of Human Rights to much of its population: the Right to live. It is easy for us fat cats to bitch and whine about freedom of speech and privacy issues. But lets see how much protesting you can do when most of your day is spent earning a portion of rice and some clean water. Are we so fucking bored and bloated that we have to entertain ourselves by preaching our perfect systems to struggling countries? Hmmm, sounds like a little bit of Christian-dom infused in Democracy…

Oh you self-righteous glutons and your socially-progressive ideals. Can’t you see? While you are raving on and on about how superior your ‘Human Rights’ are, China is proving, by example, how superior their economic system is. And in the world of scarce resources, over-population, and war… ‘Human Rights’ mean shit.

Does nobody see how volatile our own system is? You civilized folk, you. Given the right circumstances, you’ll be tearing out each others hearts and selling them to China for loaves of bread. “Oh no, not me! Never.” Yes even you, preacher-man. You and your 5-year old kid will turn savage if your suvival depends on it. You’ll club seals, skin your cat, sell fake drugs, and auction your daughters into slavery. Why lie to yourself? All humans are equal. Remember? There is a monster inside of you too.

But I hate to be pessimistic, I really do. So how about proving, by example, that our ‘Human Rights’ can coincide with sustainable living and a strong economy? Or even progress civil liberties at the same time? If you can demonstrate that your way of doing things is better, people will ask for your advice. Otherwise, you’re just forcing your own brand of bullshit down their throats. And, I think any Human will agree, that is the worst violation of all.

1. Creative Commons http://www.flickr.com/photos/astrolondon/2396259086/ [↩]

It’s been a while now since i’ve published a piece. I truly miss it. And not from a lack of ideas or material but rather sheer degenerate dead waiting; idle restlessness and procrastination. It is a ghastly sickness that traps you like a tire wedging itself in a pre-paved tread. Find as little resistance as necessary to maintain… But maintain what?

I am not alone. I am the product of my surroundings. Anyone denying the great idle bore, our mindset, is a pretentious beast basking in the aroma of its own feces. The same shit day-in, day-out: speak mind-over-matter, choke occasionally, ingest mounds of thoughtless titilation. For 2500 years we seek reason and perfection as something real and ultimate… nothing but a hollow incarnation of our desire to overcome the beast of desire.

So here we are, locked in the desireless battle between Religion & Science; shouting obscenities at the power-yielding douche dolls of ancient times. Who the fuck cares? Who cares that scumbags and liars exploit brilliance for riches? Who cares that your liberty is taken to empower honestly heinous bastards so that the decievingly wretched actors can protect you from them? To these issues numb your reason with decadent beastiality. Withold your reason for isolation, for the abstract.

I wonder if this bull is anything but dead. Thoughts, ideas, abstractions. I could connect a million dots together and it wouldn’t make a difference. Power only comes when millions of people share my delusion (see taurus in the sky lately?). Until then, all we have is titilating flashes across the screen. “Still humping the American Dream.”¹

But enough of that chin-raised gibberish eh? Some pompous asshole spewing opinions from an armchair. Or is it floor-gazing regret? No matter, what’s important is movement, grounded reality, or something.  Idleness, dead waiting, rebirth. “What’s the point here?” Oh thats right, closure. After some short, meaningless consideration I will end this site… this idea. It is with this suiting title, a clear summary of my writing this last year, that I am bringing this shit to a close. Clearly it is not quite me.  The mind is built up from mostly movement and feeling… start there, think later.

http://www.deadwaiting.com

1. R.I.P. Hunter S. Thompson [↩]

Its been about a year since Danish newspapers (and subsequently others around the world) published some cartoons poking fun and the religion of Islam. We all know the story: outcry, censorship, violence, destruction, etc.

This week, many newspapers republished the cartoons (posted below) in response to a foiled attempt to murder the cartoonist¹ . Many people claim that such cartoons are hateful and discriminatory. Check a dictionary (or better yet, the koran). They are merely descriptive.

What’s the difference between description and discrimination? Well, discrimination targets people. You might hate country music, but that doesn’t mean you discriminate against country singers. Similarly, these cartoons are not examples of discrimination, they are comments on the tenets of Islam. They do not advocate harming Muslims or hatred against any Muslim - what a ludicrous conclusion. You do not have a right NOT to be offended.

Or perhaps I have the right to kill anyone that challenges my Atheism, musical taste, or gawky posture. Any religious person that claims I deserve to suffer in hell because my beliefs should be murdered or imprisoned. That is hatred; that is musical non-religious bigotry of the highest order. Welcome to my struggle² .

1. Danish papers republish Prophet cartoon. Reuters UK. 13 February 2008. [↩]
2. English for ‘Jihad‘ [↩]

All too often, the case in defense of marijuana is tainted by prejudice, stupidity, and incoherence. In the spirit of political jargon, here’s how to defend your beliefs with more sophisticated wordplay.

Lesson 1 - Deflecting the issue

Q: You think marijuana should be legal? What are you, some kind of pothead?

A: I’ll tell you what I am. I am a firm believer in the philosophical notions of liberty and truth (this might throw off your opponent beyond recovery already). I therefore reject the continuation of a policy that stands in firm contradiction to those notions.

Lesson 2 - Give a little, Take a lot

Q: The truth is that marijuana is a dangerous substance. It causes respiratory illness, psychosis, memory loss, and other problems. How can you possibly call yourself a believer in the truth and deny these facts?

A: I’ll pretend for a moment, that your ‘facts’ are not grossly over-exaggerated and that the scientific support is unquestionable. The truth is that most of these claims are much different than the original reasons for criminalizing marijuana. The lies that it is toxic, creates murderers & heroine addicts, and that it causes permanent psychosis for all users - have long been proven false. If the original reasons for criminalizing it have proven false, there is no longer reason for it to remain criminal.^{1 234}

Lesson 3 - Flipping the Issue; Go on the attack

A: These NEW claims you speak of, pale in comparison to the originals. Should we really ban anything that might increase the risk of common ailments? Should you be put in jail for eating cholesterol?

Lesson 4 - Hardcore logic for weak associations

Q: But marijuana use leads to harder drugs and profits go towards organized crime. How can you possibly support such results?

A: Profits go to organized crime because well, its a crime. If it weren’t a crime, its profits would go elsewhere. Similarly, heroine is a crime. Those people that get heavily involved in marijuana are more likely to get involved with heroine because, the same organized criminals are distributing it. Therefore, marijuana criminalization causes heroine use, not marijuana itself.

Lesson 5 - When all else fails, lie…well

Q: My daughter got into marijuana when she was 16. Today, she’s a crack addict prostituting herself for spare change. Its people like you that allow such things to continue. How do you live with yourself?

A: My grandfather was in the military. He smoked marijuana on a daily basis in order to cope with the stress and trauma, as did many of his fellow soldiers. Without marijuana, the allies would have struggled to defeat the German’s in World War II. I think a world where your daughter is a crack addicted prostitute is more pleasant than a world where each of us is in a slave camp, mutated by genetic experimentation. Don’t you?

 Print This Post

1. You can also suggest that marijuana has medical applications. Here’s some references to get you started: [↩]
2. “We conclude that this CBM [cannabis-based medicine] may represent a useful new agent for treatment of the symptomatic relief of spasticity in MS.” -Christine Collin, MD, et al. “Randomized Controlled Trial of Cannabis-Based Medicine in Spasticity Caused by Multiple Sclerosis”. European Journal of Neurology. Vol. 14, No. 3, Page 290. Mar. 2007. [↩]
3. ”Smoked cannabis was well tolerated and effectively relieved chronic neuropathic pain from HIV-associated sensory neuropathy The findings are comparable to oral drugs used for chronic neuropathic pain.” -Donald I. Abrams, MD et al. “Cannabis in Painful HIV-Associated Sensory Neuropathy: A Randomized Placebo-Controlled Trial”. Neurology. Vol. 68, Pages 515-521. Feb. 2007. [↩]
4. “Treatment with cannabinoids had been shown to reduce the invasiveness of cancer cells, but the cellular mechanisms underlying this effect were unclear.” -Burkhard Hinz, PhD, et. al. “Inhibition of Cancer Cell Invasion by Cannabinoids via Increased Expression of Tissue Inhibitor of Matrix Metalloproteinases-1″. Journal of the National Cancer Institute Vol. 100, Number 1, Page 51. Dec. 25, 2007. [↩]

Scientology Pamphlet¹

Protest the Church of Scientology? Why not.

Anonymous or not, online oganizers decided to change the news, focus on a powerful organization, and show distaste for it. The nice thing about action: you don’t have to worry about libel or hate speech. It’s curious vocalized criticism of doctors, pharmacists, or homosexuals² doesn’t qualify as hatred/discrimination (But thats another issue).

For weeks anonymous videos have been threatening the church and organizing a modern media crusade. Some people went further, sending fake anthrax letters to Churches in Los Angeles³ .

Why you ask?

It definitely isn’t due to fraudulent and criminal activities, secrecy, destructive beliefs or opportunistic emotional brainwashing. So what then? Why the anger?

Maybe people in their 20’s just have nothing better to do with their time. They need some senseless, random, cause. There just aren’t enough causes for concern to keep us occupied. We crave senseless discrimination. We are legion.

I am what? Babling? No. I am fair and balanced - scientific even. I told you the what, but what about the why?

Why not? Get up off your as this Sunday. Forget about your exams, work, mass?, or hangover nursing for a day. Embrace the opportunity. Save your political passivity for Monday. Drop some acid with your MAOI’s and Ritalin while smoking a joint outside Scientology headquarters; just cause that’s your right⁴ . Do what’s right.⁵

 Print This Post

1. Creative Commons http://www.flickr.com/photos/groovymother/527216967/sizes/m/ [↩]
2. Just threw this one out there, not that its necessarily Scientology related [↩]
3. Mailings to Scientology sites probed. L.A. Times. 31 January 2008. [↩]
4. To find a location nearest you click here [↩]
5. Not Wendy’s [↩]

In the aftermath of Vancouver’s recent RCMP taser killing tragedy, the rug-sweep press extravaganza has taken full charge. If you haven’t seen this yet, see video below.

We begin with the Vancouver Airport Authority attempting to divert any blame towards management or personnel responsibility. Why didn’t anyone offer help, support, or translation? We all know how frustrating the airport can be… imagine 12 hours of delay, confusion, getting lost, and a complete inability to communicate. Think you might get a bit agitated?

Apparently the problem is infrastructure. According to Chief Executive Larry Berg,

“I think that we’ve lost a little bit of the human touch, the ability to reach out to people, individuals who may have different, unique circumstances, such as this individual did.”¹

No shit. When a foreign visitor gets lost for 12 hours in a major international airport that is preparing for the Olympic Games, I would expect some concerns. But despite the god-awful absence of systemized customer assistance - it is a sickening realization that the airport personnel did not step up to diffuse the situation. Anyhow, the Vancouver Airport Authority, in all its divine wisdom, decided to throw some consumer money on the issue in hopes of concealing this rather ugly scar. I’m sure $1.3 million will give their hollow apologies a voice.

On to the RCMP, who, do indeed have a tough job. Which is exactly why such a job shouldn’t be taken lightly. A few days ago Big Shot Mounties announced new regulations to restrict the use of tasers for individuals who are “combative” or “actively resistant”. Well ummm… do you really need a regulation that says that?

While admitting that tasers have been used inappropriately in the past, no clear indication was given whether the death of Robert Dziekanski was one of those circumstances. Hard to get greedy I suppose; its difficult enough to have the RCMP admit they make mistakes, let alone point one out in particular.

The simple answer to all this hubub is responsibility. Questions about whether tasers should even be used or whether they are torture are ludicrous. If you want a proper police force then they must be equipped to enforce… but if you want them to make sound judgments, you have to equip them with training and responsibility. The attitude of superiority and the mindless reflexes of these officers should be our prime concern.

But nobody wants to talk about that. So let us move on. Let us sweep these grains of infuriating incompetence beneath us. Sweep it away. Now repeat after me “the government and RCMP is only there for my protection.”

Good.

Feel better?

You won’t after watching this:

 Print This Post

1. Vancouver Airport Authority spending $1.3 million in wake of Polish man’s death. Canadian Press. 7 December 2007. [↩]

It is official. George W. Bush has finally gone Green

After finally getting around to the report on his desk, revealing the inconvenient truth that plastic may take thousands of years to decompose, Bush did what he does best: pledged money to a cause.

The cause was Africa. George also learned that Africa was suffering from a terrible outbreak of something called AIDS, a sexually transmitted disease. George is no dummy, he knew that the best method of preventing AIDS was through the use of condoms. That disturbing fact, coupled with an estimate of 25 million people living with AIDS or HIV in Africa, spawned a series of nightmares for Mr. Bush. Nightmares, he claims, where Africa is submerged in a landfill of used condoms for thousands of years.

“We must do something,” boasted a brave George W. Bush during his latest press conference¹, “Our landfills are filling up, our resources are being drained, and the African people may lose their country to a torrent of used condoms!”

The President was eager to reveal a bold new solution: Foreskin. “Instead of using plastic condoms, a commodity not broken down over thousands of years and restrictive of the penis’ freedom, we will free the penis from totalitarianism! We will sever the skin of every African penis so that it may have same freedoms that we American’s enjoy.”

Human flesh is, after all, biodegradable.

The President was like a polished Greenpeace soldier; shooting out scientific research and moral duty in singular sentences. He silenced his critics with relevant fart jokes and brilliant metaphor. The speech may very well come to be known as the monument of the birth… the birth of American Environmentalism.²

 Print This Post

1. Source misplaced while reading bible. Sorry. [↩]
2. Please note, some quotes may be slightly embellished. [↩]